Happy Chinese New Year of the Goat 🙂 I personally don’t celebrate it, but a significant amount of people in the world do so why not say it?
Anyways, I wanted to share this weird thing that happened to me last year. Call it coincidence, call it fate, call it superstition, call it…mental instability! But this is how I saw it, and you won’t have much say in how you’ll see it. (So sorry.)
So last year was the shittiest year I’ve had so far. Before it even started, I already had really bad feelings about it. Let’s see…I was just getting over some petty adolescent crush on this guy who is actually an snobby pompous douche, I was still being pestered by this pesky classmate of mine (who is now a really good frenemy of mine), I was still hanging out with this schoolmate who I (still) can’t really title as a friend or an enemy because she hasn’t done anything to me to deserve either title, oh, and I was somehow put in the biggest class of the year that happened to be full of smart-asses, pompous douches, multi-talented dumbos AND people who were just simply ignorable. You can lecture me all you want about being really negative about that year because of ‘a gut feeling’, but I can definitely direct you to many other people who sympathized with me (from neighboring classrooms).
Ok, now I have to tell you that my favorite color is blue…always has been, always will. However, last year, I had this strangest feeling like I was always being drawn to the color red. So it felt really weird liking a different color, alright? I’ve always hated warm colors too! But then I started seeing red EVERYWHERE! Taylor Swift’s RED tour, the red forest Cornetto, my new pair of shoes, the shoelaces someone gifted me, the bag I was given for my service trip, the pen I used to annotate my literature book, my crush’s tie (don’t ask why he wears ties to school), my crush’s shoulder bag (for the record, he came after me first and now I feel like I lead him on)…I even saw it all over my report cards! Red was this recurring color that came up with or in things/people that became significant or important to me last year, and it’s so weird. (Even my mom’s boss, the one who fired her, had red highlights in her hair.) And I didn’t realize all this until the last days of school that I spent alone ‘coz in the end, nobody wanted to hang out with me for the last few times (even when I tried inviting them to lunch, which I NEVER do).
It doesn’t help that red seems to be an angry color either! As I type this, I’m reliving all the significant moments I had last year and the bad ones just outweigh the good ones so much…urgh! I could punch someone right now…
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Fret not because before this year began, I had positive gut feelings all the time, so I really am excited for this year to actually kick in when I start schooling again in June. And yeah, there seems to be a new recurring color in my life again. Yellow. So far, it’s the color of my phone (since they were having a sale on the blue and yellow models only, and they ran out of blues), on my new sketchbook that my uncle gave me from his trip to Cairo (he works for the UN in Paris, under the Environment Program, so he gets to travel a lot), my new bag from Australia my aunt gave me (most of my relatives live outside of Asia, and it sucks that I haven’t met any of them), and my new tumbler that my other aunt gave me so we don’t have to keep ‘harboring’ their cups in our room.
So, yeah! Sorry if I brought any confusion. Just know that I really had a tough year and it’s still haunting me at the moment, even though I try everyday to move on. It’s harder than it sounds. Trust me.
Until next time,
P.S. My 2nd blog, where I confess all sorts of things every Friday: https://confessionfridays.wordpress.com