Losing Focus (Update)

Hey, hey! What’s up, everyone?

I know, I know.  It’s been a long while.  Sorry about that…again.  It seems like I just can’t shake the old habit of never finishing anyth

Speaking of, I started multiple (and kind of ambitious) art projects near the end of 2015 and at the very beginning of 2016.  First, I started not one, not two, but THREE new art journals sometime before Christmas break.  I messed up one, so it was down to two by the time school closed for the Christmas break.  One of them was going very strong, inspired by one of my classmates who was VERY diligent with her many Moleskine journals.  Then school started again and I lost sight of why I wanted to finish it in the first place.  Same with the other one which I’ve left absolutely blank, aside from the covers.  Also during this time, my mom and I worked very hard to get the four different Starbucks planners (which is now a custom for at least the two of us).  I absolutely love Starbucks, and I especially loved their 2016 planners because they were MOLESKINE JOURNALS!  (Yup, inspired by that same classmate as well.)  We got help from my mom’s colleagues, who seemed to see it as a charity case hehe…

This Starbucks planner project.  Oh boy… I was really looking forward to posting pics on my Instagram everyday on the doodles that I would make daily on each page.  But…didn’t work out.  I got really drained at the end of every day and just got tired of it.  Right now, I’m planning on catching up by mid-August – that’s six-and-a-half months worth of doodles, guys. I promised myself I would finish at least ONE thing this year, and I am NOT letting this get me again!  Plus, it sounds absolutely exhausting just thinking about trying to finish it up until next year whilst juggling another doodle-a-day project, other unfinished projects, school projects and trying to fit in at my new college.

Oh, yeah!  It’s official!  I’M TRANSFERRING TO MY DREAM SCHOOL!!!  WOOT WOOT!!!  I passed the entrance tests, the talent test, and the interview with the Dean.  I just took an additional exam (on space relations) this morning, but I’m pretty much in, according to the Admins.  But before I can enroll, all I need to do is get an ‘Honorable Dismissal’ from my previous college, which I did not realize required SO MUCH walking around campus just to get some signatures.  I thought I just had to talk to the Dean, which is no problem for me actually.  (I don’t shy away from one-on-one interviews where I get to talk about myself for once.  It’s just the ones with the big audiences who expect highly of me, only to be disappointed once I open my mouth.  Nope, does not apply when I’m on stage with my violin ‘coz I’m not required to open my mouth.)  (I have issues.)

Btw, if you hadn’t caught on from previous posts why I’m transferring, here’s the reason why, without saying anything mean about anything/anyone: I don’t belong.   I know, lame reason for leaving a well-to-do school, but I can’t stand how I just really don’t follow the campus culture.  After one year in high school, I clicked with more than a few people.  After one year in that college, I clicked with absolutely no one! I don’t have a clique, a ‘gang’, or even a buddy that I can chill somewhere with and just talk about shit we wanna talk about for hours whilst stuffing our faces with junk food.  And it’s not like I didn’t try.  I did!  I honestly did!  But they shunned me away, and being the overreacting, manic-depressive kid I am, that simple act they did affected me ten times worse than it would a ‘normal’ person.  I’m scarred, guys.  Scarred to the point that I should sue, honestly.  But no one would take my side anyway, given my history…So, I just sat quietly and kept to myself, thinking that anything and everything I said or did would only be used against me, like in a court of law.  Oh, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I left the Philippines, my home country, for about 9 years and have only a grade 2-level fluency in my native tongue.  HAHA, but seriously, it’s not that.  It’s just the way I was treated and how it affected someone like me.  Like a cliche love story break-up line, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Hmm, so what else is there to catch you guys up on?…Oh, I have new glasses!  I haven’t been to an optometrist since 2012.  And I haven’t changed my glasses since 2010.  I would say I’m proud, but I’m not, because I already knew my eyesight had been progressively getting worse since then.  I just didn’t want to tell my parents because I thought they would be so disappointed that their daughter’s eyesight was SO bad that I practically couldn’t see anything without my glasses.  And I also thought my mom would freak, or lecture me about the importance of taking care of my eyes and how worried I’m making her.  Anyway, I went to the optometrist near the end of last year and found out that my grade had raised from 450 to 500 in my left, and from 400 to 450 in my right.  Hehe, guess I should close my left eye more when I’m reading or ‘Internet-ing’?

Well, I think that’s it…so far.  Just to recap, I still haven’t finished anything, leaving me in this manic-depressive, angsty, never-satisfied, snobby heap of a bitch, AND my English is slowly degrading while my Tagalog has advanced to ‘typical street slang’ level. Chos!

Until next time (which will hopefully be sooner than next year),
Agnes

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4 thoughts on “Losing Focus (Update)

  1. Feeling like you don’t belong is as good a reason as any to leave a college. College is supposed to be one of the most exciting times of your life. All the fun of independence without the challenge of responsibilities. You shouldn’t waste any time not living it up to the fullest.
    It’s great to hear about your acceptance to your dream school. Congratulations!
    All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hehe, you’re right! It should be a much better experience than this and I hope that once I step into my new school everything will feel right, or at least better than before. Thanks for reading, and commenting 🙂
      Cheers,
      Agnes

      Liked by 1 person

    • You guys so busy with IB, didn’t wanna be a disturbance or anything hehe…Sorry I wasn’t able to come by this summer 😦 I got a little bummed by several things and my parents were telling me not to leave the country so soon since we just came back from HK. Catch up with ya through Whatsapp, man! Thanks for reading and commenting!
      Cheers,
      Agnes

      Like

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