I’m just getting back into the swing of things. As usual, I’ve always treated this blog as a sort of confessional online journal of my life. I always come back to this when something has bothered/been bothering me; hence, here I am.
I finished up the clearance form for my transfer credential, and one of the last things I had to do was get the Dean’s signature…and have an ‘exit interview’. (If you haven’t read my previous post, I’m transferring to another college, which happens to be my dream school, and I had to be officially dismissed from my previous school via this ‘transfer credential’ form.)
I must say that I thought I was prepared for the interview. I thought I would just go in there, get her signature, say exactly how I felt and leave. But this was not the case. Once you’re in that office, you just clam up. I mean, there I was, at her desk, waiting for her to come in so I could…tell her what exactly? That her college was shit? No, they had many alumni who have done well since they graduated. That the teachers didn’t care enough? But she was the one who hired them in the first place, right? That my classmates disrespected the teachers, and me? This is college, man! What was I expecting? To just tell her all the bad things that happened and maybe she’ll do something about it? What was I thinking? Tell her I was not treated right, and that she should fix it? Now why would she do that for me? One girl out of 16 in the class had a bad year, while most of her other classmates had a good freshman year. In hindsight, I clearly did NOT think this through. I feel like I just embarrassed myself, and made her think that I was allowed into her school by accident.
So here’s how the interview kind of went, an abridged version of course:
“Transferring? Where will you be transferring?”
“Ah, funny you should say that because I have had students from that school transfer here because they didn’t like it there. Just so you know.”
*I answer with silence and a smile.*
“So, why are you leaving us after one year?”
I never felt comfortable or very welcomed at the school.
“Ok, and why is that? Were your classes okay?”
Yes, but some of the teachers were kind of not okay.
“Like who?” *takes out pen and notepad*
*freaks out inside* Um, some of my Fine Arts teachers weren’t up to par…
“What do you mean?”
*heart beating out of my chest* Um, a few in particular…
*nervous gulps* Um, Ms. ––– was kind of, um…
“Mhm, go on.” *writes stuff on notepad*
She was in class, but her mind seemed somewhere else…
“Ok…” *writes more stuff*
And then my classmates didn’t mind at all…But they did so with other teachers too, and I felt bad for some of the teachers because they were showing such disrespect…
“And how did they show disrespect?”
They would purposely not come to class, and when they did, they weren’t paying attention, or doing their work at the last minute or with no effort.
“But they would have to deal with the consequences, right? This is college.”
Yes, but I just felt bad for the teachers who actually put in effort in their lessons…
(several questions later)
“Hm, so from what I have here, it seems that you’re leaving because of one teacher in particular and because you’re classmates don’t mind…”
No, it’s just…I’m not that kind of person who would let a teacher’s effort go to waste, or who would let someone get away with something like that…”
“Hm, okay, I see.” *signs my form* “Well, here you are. Good luck.”
Oh man, oh man, oh man. I choked. Once I stepped in, my mind just tuned out. I rehearsed this interview several times in my head, but when it finally happened for real, I just…ugh…So now I’m here, writing about the experience, and my folly, to maybe give those who are thinking of transferring a heads-up (and also an example of what NOT to do/talk about during the interview).
So here are the things I actually wanted to talk about earlier with the Dean, but didn’t (and probably never will):
- Teachers not prioritizing the class/students during class time
- Students disrespecting teachers, and then bad-mouthing them to other teachers (or even the Dean)
- ‘That one teacher’: had many things to offer/teach, but didn’t do so 😦
- Classmates ignored me for 3 months, then suddenly started asking me for favors (like swimming at my place or having their birthday at my place) like nothing had happened
- Classmates: verbal bullying (called me names behind my back, and they didn’t even say them jokingly), insensitivity, affected my already unstable psyche
- Good first impression, but school did not deliver beyond that; disappointment
- Some religious views of the school were imposed a bit too harshly on those who did not follow the same religion
- Certain teachers made (bad) false assumptions about me because of my classmates
There. Putting that out there makes me feel just slightly better. I have very mixed feelings now – I’m embarrassed, ashamed, pissed off, unsure, frustrated, and most of all, confused. Hopefully, when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be a bit more at ease. Hopefully.
I also feel like I should write a letter or something to the Dean. But at the same time I probably shouldn’t, and just leave it at that. Gosh, I’m so stressed now.
Good night, cheers, and have peace of mind.