2nd Blog Post of the Year!

Hey, people of the Internet!

You guys have no idea how many drafts I have right now for future blog posts.  (And I only started these drafts shortly after my last post.)  I may or may not post them soon…we’ll see 😉

Just wanted to give another quick update.  I promise, I have some really good stuff planned in my drafts folder.  Look forward to those!

First things first, progress update on my New Year Resolutions.  Number one was to re-connect with old friends, or just people I haven’t talked to in a while.  I’ve actually reached out to a handful of people already – it was easier than I thought it was gonna be – and I’ve gotten some surprising responses.  Particularly the one from my former bullying victim turned friend.  I used to call her names and kick her feet a lot in primary school, but I also turned into one of her best friends at the time along with another girl who I have yet to reach out to.  The tone of surprise and relief in her reply really made my day.  And I felt bad I didn’t reach out even sooner, after finding out what she had been through the past few years since we last spoke (which was in January 2013).  But it looks like everything’s going well for her now – she’s studying to be a teacher – and we’re already making plans to meet up some time and visit our old primary school.  Lesson I learnt:  Sometimes you can and will leave long-lasting impressions on people, whether you want to or not.  So be nice to everyone, please.  You don’t want to be the asshole that haunts them forever until they decide to off themselves.  Please, please, please.

Second, I believe I talked about my art journal/art book project on a previous post many moons ago.  Well, here’s the follow up.  I’m in the process of editing the pages now, though I haven’t completed all of them yet.  I’ve got everything formatted and ready for text, and I just left some blank spaces where the incomplete pages will go.  Really excited about this!  Not only do I really need/want the money, but I think it’ll be the first step to having something akin to a ‘job’.  (I’m turning 21, guys.  You know how it is…?)

Finally, I just wanted to say, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”  And also refer y’all to some previous posts, like Still got the Valentine’s Day blues? where I suggest a bunch of other things you can do (solo) on Valentine’s Day or I Found True Love In A Dream if you wanna read about something that’ll get you in that romantic, lovey-dovey mood and/or instill hope in you finding love one day.

Yeah, I guess that’s it.  Yay, 2 blog posts in 2 months!  I’d say this is great progress, guys.  Don’tcha think?  The past couple of months have been strange and at the same time optimistic/hopeful.  Can’t wait for how the rest of 2018 is gonna turn out.  I really have good vibes about this year, and I still don’t know why.

Don’t be a stranger, or a bully. Just be nice.
Agnes D.J.

Advertisements

Where’d I Go and Why Do I Keep Coming Back?

Hello Internet peeps!

It’s been a loooooong while.  Crap.  Sorry ’bout that.  I just got really engrossed with my physical journals that I didn’t want to come back to the Internet (or so it seemed).  I’ve been on a social media sabbatical the past 6-7 months, and I feel much less drained and blissfully unaware of certain events/news.   You guys should try it every now and then.  Do me one better and go totally offline, if you think you can survive.

No particular reason why I did it.  Maybe I just decided some time last year that I was so fed up with hearing about everything going on with everyone all over the world (strangers, V.I.P.s, politics, friends, etc.) that I just “rage quit” from it all.  I have enough voices in my head telling and re-telling the stupid and/or embarrassing things I did in the past already, a.k.a. I’ve got enough going on in my lil’ ol’ life as it is and I didn’t want to add in the dramas of others in this too.

So, it turned out to be a great decision.  Although, I did often check certain group chats, but it was for school purposes!  And I didn’t count Youtube, of course.  (Youtube killed the TV star.)  For the most part of 2017, I was really focused on my physical journals and I loved it.  I was somewhat surprised by how full it was by the end of the year.  Not a single blank page – unlike my many other past journals that I never finished.  In fact, I can count that as one New Year’s Resolution completed for 2017: Finish something.  Check.

Anyway, happy 2018!  Hope it’s been alright so far for everyone.  It’s only been 3 days into the new semester and we’ve only had one teacher actually show up – totes not an omen or foreshadowing for something, I’m sure.  My number one New Year’s Resolution for 2018 is to reconnect with old friends, followed by blogging more btw.  When I wrote that down, I was so confident and all, “I can totally do this!  Easy-peasy!  Just charm it up.  Haven’t been playing these choice-driven rpg games for nothing.”  But so far, I haven’t reached out to anyone.  I might write a post or two first – similar to a previous post titled To the friend I treated unfairly – just to see how much I’m willing to publicly admit to myself, then slowly work up the courage to send the actual thing to them.  (If you don’t know why you’re apologizing, it’s not an apology, right?)  Wish me luck!  Hehe…sigh…

And that’s it for the first post of the new year!  Man, I missed this.  And I say that every time I come back from a long break.  And it’s followed usually by 1-2 posts and another long break.  And the cycle repeats.  BUT, not this time!  I promise!  Now that I know that New Year’s Resolutions can actually be accomplished, I will definitely be blogging more regularly this year.  You have my word, and if not, well….let’s not talk about that.  Heh.  Bye.

On Arts Schools

Just wanted to post a quick thought here.

I’ve been in an arts high school; notice I say ‘arts’ and not ‘art’ because we mean all the art forms, like dance, music, theater and the visual arts.  And I’m taking a Fine Arts course now for college.

I’ve had, and still have, classmates who complain about how we’re not being taught how to draw or paint or what have you.  And here I am going, “well, if all you wanted to learn is how to draw, then you didn’t need to come to an arts school for that…”  There are so many ways people can learn to draw and paint and do whatever it is we artists do – online videos, workshops, going to exhibitions and observing and experimenting on your own.  If you go to an arts school, it should be noted that you already know how to draw, that you already know what to do.  Because in arts school, they won’t teach you how to do shit, they teach you what to do with the skills you have.

Here’s another example.  I took violin lessons – had good and great teachers.  I’ve recently observed that they never taught me how to play the music.  They just taught me how to play the instrument, and how to read notes.  I figured out how to feel and play the music myself.  No one can teach you that.  Same probably goes for those who are in the theater, and in dance.  They didn’t ask their teachers or mentors how to emote and move expressively.  Sad face to them may be angry face to others, ya know?

I think what those classmates of mine didn’t get is that arts is something that comes from you, your experiences, and your observations.  The essence of art can’t be taught because it’s different for everyone.  And an artist’s job is to help the world see what they see.

Cheers,

Agnes

Exam week

Heyyo, people of the Internet!

Finally back with another post!  It’s actually the start of our finals this week, and it ends some time next week (and then summer break, here I come).  But, as usual, I don’t really study for any of my exams…especially now that I’m taking Fine Arts and most of my exams can’t exactly be studied.  So if I’m not already being honest enough right now, exam time is actually when I am the most free.

Growing up in a country (or maybe I should say continent) that puts SO MUCH importance on school and grades, I often observed most of my classmates/schoolmates being so stressed and lethargic during exam time, due to burning the midnight oil, being too nit-picky with their assignments, mental and emotional breakdowns, and even suicidal thoughts.  And I just felt really bad for them because they’re growing up thinking that school and grades are just that – super stressful and the only thing that will make their parents proud.

Personally, studying everyday even until the day of the exam has never worked.  I get so stressed and so engrossed in all the info I’m trying to absorb that my mind just becomes so….artificial?  Like I’m a computer storing all this info that I’ll probably only use for that one day.  It felt like my humanity was just draining out of me like a running tap. Continue reading

Emptiness

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnddddd I’m back, guys!

[Just thought I’d post something real quick.  Oh, and btw, I’ve been getting so much traffic from IG ever since I put a link to this blog on my profile…cool beans.  Thanks, random strangers who may or may not be stalkers.]

I can’t help but feel that I’ve ruined my life on so many levels, and I continue to ruin it even though I’m fully aware how I’m ruining it.  I just think about things too much, and it leads me to come up with these bewildering and often stupid conclusions.

I wish it could stop.  I wish I could stop.  I wish everything would JUST.  STOP.  I need to take a breather…from life.  Not even long weekends and holidays give me the rest I need anymore.  I feel like everything is just so draining. Continue reading

To the friend I treated unfairly

Dear B,

I miss you so much.

7 years ago, I ruined everything.  I don’t know why I said those things.  I was just a stupid little kid; temperamental, easily jealous, incapable of making sane decisions.

I regret everything I did to you.  I was the worst friend ever. Continue reading

Interviewed by the Dean

Hey everyone!

I’m just getting back into the swing of things.  As usual, I’ve always treated this blog as a sort of confessional online journal of my life. I  always come back to this when something has bothered/been bothering me; hence, here I am. Continue reading

Losing Focus (Update)

Hey, hey! What’s up, everyone?

I know, I know.  It’s been a long while.  Sorry about that…again.  It seems like I just can’t shake the old habit of never finishing anyth

Speaking of, I started multiple (and kind of ambitious) art projects near the end of 2015 and at the very beginning of 2016.  First, I started not one, not two, but THREE new art journals sometime before Christmas break.  I messed up one, so it was down to two by the time school closed for the Christmas break.  One of them was going very strong, inspired by one of my classmates who was VERY diligent with her many Moleskine journals.  Then school started again and I lost sight of why I wanted to finish it in the first place.  Same with the other one which I’ve left absolutely blank, aside from the covers.  Also during this time, my mom and I worked very hard to get the four different Starbucks planners (which is now a custom for at least the two of us).  I absolutely love Starbucks, and I especially loved their 2016 planners because they were MOLESKINE JOURNALS!  (Yup, inspired by that same classmate as well.)  We got help from my mom’s colleagues, who seemed to see it as a charity case hehe…
Continue reading

Practicality over Passion?

Hey guys!  Happy 2016!!!

So, I’m halfway through my first year of college and it’s almost time to apply for a new school ‘coz I’m really not feeling it at my current school (or rather, I’m feeling way too strongly against everything at my current school).  I don’t know if it’s because of the people I hang with, who are just so URGH, or the course I’m doing, Fine Arts, which is what I’ve been doing for pretty much my whole life and is honestly getting a little routine/repetitive/redundant due to having come from a specialized art school. Continue reading

Arrogance vs. Confidence

Hey guys!

Christmas is coming up!  And New Year’s is just around the corner!  This is always my favorite time of the year.  Time to let go of the past and start anew.  There have been a few things that happened recently that still irk me up to this very moment, and I want to just get it off my chest in the hopes that I’ll feel WAY better after (which is usually the case).

A couple of weeks ago, our 2nd semester at school just started, so it was pretty much just introductions.  In one particular class, the teacher openly admitted/warned us that she can be arrogant most of the time.  I was absolutely fine with that, having dealt with much worse in my previous school.  Arrogance is the least of my worries, really.  After we introduced ourselves to the teacher, she asked the class if anyone of us were arrogant too.  Quite shockingly, they pointed at me!  I was quite offended by this.  Never have I ever been described as arrogant!  Nor do I think I have EVER been arrogant!  Nonetheless, with this bunch of people who I barely know, and who barely know me!  But, being the nice and NON-arrogant person that I was, I shrugged it off and said nothing against it that day.  However, I can never really get over it until I justify myself to somebody, anybody…so here goes. Continue reading